Hug the Monkey

Talking Tonight with Lesa Trapp of Odd Mind

Lesa interviews artists and writers for her BlogTalk Radio show, Odd Mind. I'm excited to talk with her tonight about my book, The Chemistry of Connection, and also the writing process. Not so much the creative process, but just getting it off the ground as a book project.

The show is at 7 PM Pacific tonight, May 14. You'll be able to listen to the archived show online, but it would be soooo fun if you participated, either via chat or telephone call-in. You can find all the info on her radio show's site: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/theoddmind

Love Styles and Oxytocin

I use the phrase "love styles" to refer to the concept of attachment styles put forth by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Ainsworth developed a test, the Strange Situation, to see what kind of relationship babies had with their mothers. They came up with three: Secure, anxious or avoidant attachment. Some psychologists have create subcategories or changed these a bit. But the basic theory is, you can be securely attached to your mother, you maybe anxious that she's not going to be there for you, or you can be so scared or hurt that you withdraw into yourself and try not to need anyone else.

I believe that you can also look at these as oxytocin styles. Because the way our brains release and react to oxytocin is shaped by our earliest experiences,  these love styles are likely the result of the way that the  oxytocin response developed.

I'm fascinated by this kind of thing, because understanding it helps me understand myself and my relationships.

This is a long-way-round introduction to my interview with Deb Harper  of Psychjourney. Deb creates podcasts with authors, psychologists and thinkers on psychological topics. We talked about attachment styles and oxytocin in the wide-ranging interview. The conversation was very interesting for me, and I hope you'll think so, too.

CORRECTED: You can download the Chemistry of Connection podcast here.

Oxytocin Better than Beer for Hooking Up?

Okay, I am being facetious. But a new study found that inhaling oxytocin made study subjects feel more positively about strangers.

ABC News reported on the study by Angeliki Theodoridou, a psychologist at the University of Bristol, UK. This makes sense, because oxytocin has previously been shown to reduce activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that makes pre-conscious, friend-or-foe decisions. Oxytocin seems to act as a trust signal, letting us gradually approach other people.

Theodoridou was on the team led by Eric Hollander that found oxytocin reduced symptoms of autism and increased adult autistics' ability to detect emotional meaning in speech.

Oxytocin Builds Bones, Too

Will the wonders of oxytocin never cease? I missed this February report from a bowling team's worth of scientists, led by Roberto Tamma of the University of Bari. In Oxytocin is an anabolic bone hormone, they say that oxytocin builds bones, while blocking oxytocin causes osteoporosis in mice. It's complicated, read the abstract if you want more.

It's interesting that they write that oxytocin was "hitherto thought solely to modulate lactation and social bonding." Because, up until a couple of years ago, the story was, "oxytocin, formerly thought to solely modulate lactation."

The research was mentioned by the fantastic NY Times science writer Natalie Angier. Bones are highly responsive to oxytocin and serotonin, the latter specifically from the gut, she says poetically. "... bone quickens to the touch of serotonin and oxytocin, signaling molecules more often associated with happy moods, friendship and cuddling together in a straw nest than with the integrity of the backbone."

I Meet the Love Doctor

I had a wonderful conversation with Dr. Terri Orbuch, aka The Love Doctor, for Voice America Radio. It airs Monday morning, April 20,  at 8 AM Pacific; you can also listen to it any time online or via MP3.

Terri was a terrific host. I could tell she read my book, The Chemistry of Connection, thoroughly. She had great questions, and, because she has a PhD and tons of knowledge about psychology and sociology, she helped me put the oxytocin response into a greater perspective.

It's fun for me to get to talk about my book, not only because I hope people will buy it. I think that oxytocin is the missing link in our society's understanding about love and relationship -- or rather, our continued misunderstanding.

More Evidence of Human Pheromones

Pink Kitty Nose
Originally uploaded by lissalou66.

Thanks to Matthew for sending me the link to this Wired blog post about research into the human response to inhaling sex hormones. George Preti of the Monell Chemical Senses Center, found that women were better able to detect human body odor when it was masked by scent or deodorant.

Researchers there are doing lots of interesting research into how human olfaction, aka smelling, influences behavior.  I've written about their study showing that lap dancers make more money when they're fertile. They've also shown differences in the way gay and straight people respond to inhaling androgens.

I think they are moving toward proving that humans respond to pheromones just like the rest of our butt-sniffing mammalian cousins, thanks to the vomeronasal organ, which is not so vestigial as they thought. I think this is important and valuable, because it reminds us that our animal bodies are as important as our analytical cerebral cortexes.

And, for the purposes of this oxytocin-centric blog, I think we also inhale molecules of oxytocin given out by others, which helps initiate trust.

Official Launch of My Oxytocin Book

The Chemistry of Connection, my book about how the oxytocin response affects our lives and loves, is now available online and in bookstores. It's been a five-year process, writing two different books for two different publishers. And it was all worth it. I really like the book and I'm proud of it.

I hope you will read it, and, to sweeten the deal, I got together with three fascinating women to do a book publication promotion. If you buy the book today, you can download their e-books for free. You'll get information and insights to transform your connections no matter what stage of live or love you're in, from looking to long-contented.

Go to the promotion now at ChemistryofConnection.com, or read on to learn more about these bonus gifts.

They are:

Marilyn Gordon, a transformational teacher, healer and writer -- who helped  me overcome writer's block and love writing this book

Joy Nordenstrom, whose Intelligent Love: 411 for Men is a smart and fun use of neuroscience to help explain love; she's CEO of Joy of Romance, and hosts fantastic aphrodisiac dinner parties

Sarah Malinak, an author who, with her husband, puts out an insightful newsletter about relationships, as well as explaining how love patterns we learned as kids play out in adult relationships

Cynthia Lubow, MFT, a psychotherapist and author who specializes in helping people with all levels of depression; she's developed science-based self-care methods that can really work

To download these excellent books, you can either go directly to Amazon to buy the book, or start at ChemistryofConnection.com. Make a note of your Amazon purchase confirmation code, and then click on the link on my book's site to register the purchase.

This promotion will end on April 9!

And please, let me know what you think of the book.

Why Pets Are Good Oxytocin: podcast

Shameless self-promotion, redux: If you've read my blog much, you know I keep harping on the power of animals to give us a reliable oxytocin boost. One study found that both dogs and owners had elevated levels of oxytocin after they played, and another found that your dog looking at you could raise oxytocin.

I got to explain this recently on the internet radio show, Doggie Chronicles. You can listen to the podcast, recorded on February 14, 2009.

Neuropeptide Y: The Oxytocin Alternative?

When we need to defend ourselves or escape from danger, the fight-or-flight reaction kicks in. Cortisol and noradrenaline reduce circulation to the extremities, raise blood pressure, increase energy and attention, and reduce the pain response. This state gives us the best shot at staying alive.

But this state has a downside: You get the shakes, and you may not be able to think clearly, for example, fleeing, when you'd do better standing your ground.  Soldiers have to learn how to make these decisions and to master their fear enough to do battle in the first place. Why are some people able to perform acts of bravery, or to do the right thing under extreme stress?

Deanne Aikins of Yale found higher levels of a neuropeptide -- a brain chemical -- that dampens the body's stress response in some highly resilient individuals. Aikins studied soldiers undergoing survival training, and she found that the coolest heads had the highest levels of neuropeptide y.

Scientists have known about the stress-reduction effects of neuropeptide y for quite some time, and there was a lot of interest in it as a weight-loss aid. Aikins may be the first to link it to  bravery.

From Eureka Science News:

Deane Aikins, a psychiatrist at Yale University, said the remarkable composure of US Airways Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, who made an emergency landing on the Hudson river last month, showed how well some people can cope with extremely stressful situations. The pilot's actions led to headlines referring to "grace under pressure" – Hemingway's description of heroism."I think some people are born with it," Aikins said. "We would all be ready to scream in our chairs, but there are certain individuals who just don't get as stressed."

My friend Neal sent me a link to the Reuters story saying, "this sounds like anti-oxytocin." I think it sounds more like an oxytocin alternative.

In addition to its role in positive social interactions, oxytocin calms the body down and counteracts the stress response. Usually this happens in times of safety; however, Stephen Porges says oxytocin also creates the freeze-and-hide strategy that prey mammals like rabbits often use.

It would be interesting to know whether there's a relationship between neuropeptide y and vasopressin and/or testosterone.  I wonder if neuropeptide y contributes to the impulse for males to stand and fight to protect the family. When a breeding mammal pair is attacked, the offspring have no chance of survival if the mother dies, while the male is more expendable.

The male's higher levels of testosterone make him more aggressive -- and also mute oxytocin's impulse to huddle in the nest. Vasopressin, a neurochemical very similar to oxytocin, seems to be central to male bonding while increasing guarding and defending behavior. Maybe neuropeptide y is another piece of this behavior.

No,  I AM NOT saying women can't be brave, okay?

Dating 3 to Avoid the Oxytocin Trap

Interesting story on MSNBC from relationship expert and psychologist Diana Kirschner on how to find love by not getting hung up on the wrong man. Always be dating three men at a time.

On this dating program, you avoid that pressured decision and its aftermath: a Flame-Out that usually kills the relationship. Instead you date three men at the same time without having sex with any of them. By not seeing any one man too often, you find the men who are really into you and who will stay the course. Plus, you break out of your prison of Deadly Dating Patterns and maneuver more skillfully in the dating world.

This great advice can keep a woman from getting caught in the oxytocin trap. Sex, kissing, even close physical proximity can cause a woman's brain to release oxytocin, making her feel bonded to someone she doesn't even know well enough.