I use the phrase "love styles" to refer to the concept of attachment styles put forth by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Ainsworth developed a test, the Strange Situation, to see what kind of relationship babies had with their mothers. They came up with three: Secure, anxious or avoidant attachment. Some psychologists have create subcategories or changed these a bit. But the basic theory is, you can be securely attached to your mother, you maybe anxious that she's not going to be there for you, or you can be so scared or hurt that you withdraw into yourself and try not to need anyone else.
I believe that you can also look at these as oxytocin styles. Because the way our brains release and react to oxytocin is shaped by our earliest experiences, these love styles are likely the result of the way that the oxytocin response developed.
I'm fascinated by this kind of thing, because understanding it helps me understand myself and my relationships.
This is a long-way-round introduction to my interview with Deb Harper of Psychjourney. Deb creates podcasts with authors, psychologists and thinkers on psychological topics. We talked about attachment styles and oxytocin in the wide-ranging interview. The conversation was very interesting for me, and I hope you'll think so, too.
CORRECTED: You can download the Chemistry of Connection podcast here.
