How to Make a Man Fall in Love

Thanks to the miracle of Google News Alerts, this article from a website in Ghana came to my email inbox this morning. I think it was pinched from an American publication; in any case, I think it's excellent advice and draws accurately from neuroscience's current understanding of bonding and mating -- as well as lots of other good tips.

The first set of tips involve trying to get a man's vasopressin system to kick in. Both oxytocin and vasopressin, a related neurochemical that's amped up by testosterone, seem to be necessary for the male bond. Vasopressin also influences aggressive and protective behaviors, such as mate-guarding in monogamous mammals.

I dunno about the science behind "wear soft fabrics," but it couldn't hurt.

Comments

[lawrence]

i want buy pqwerfull oxytocin spry bcoz my wife she is not intersted sex .i want atract my wife i want now the best oxtocein spry all of the world. i need your help can you tell me

[Susan Kuchinskas]

Lawrence, oxytocin is the neurochemical of connection and satisfaction, not of desire. You don't need to buy anything to make your wife interested in sex.

Follow these steps:

1. For one week, spend at least one hour every day asking her questions and listening to her answers, responding in ways that let her know you really heard her.

2. The second week, keep listening to her. Add foot rubs, if she'll agree. No sexual touching, just foot rubs. Tell her how attractive she looks.

3. At the end of the second week, take her to do something really different and exciting.

4. Maybe that night, maybe the next day, offer to give her a back massage. Take your time with it, spend an hour or more paying attention to her body, noticing how she responds. When something seems to feel good to her, do more of it. If she's responding with pleasure,ask her to turn over and massage her breasts and belly. Pay attention to the nonverbal communication she's giving you and, if it feels right, you can move into a more sexual massage. But go back to sensual immediately if she protests.

You may have to apply this strategy for a few weeks to get your physical relationship on track. The key is to respond to her and lead her slowly.

[sad]

my husband says i have no walls and constantly complains about our sex life which use to be really good then i started having yeast infection constantly and they wont go awaty

[Susan Kuchinskas]

That is sad! I was plagued by yeast infections for years. Tried everything, including chugging acidopholus. Then I read about a study showing that women who ate a cup of yogurt every day had less yeast infections. I had done everything with the durn stuff except actually eat it.

It worked for me, cleared it up completely and for good. It has to be a kind with active cultures; best to buy it at the health food store for that reason. Please try it!

BTW, your husband could harbor yeast on his penis and reinfect you, so try to get him to eat it too.

[Denise]

I met a guy 6 weeks ago, he was initially way into me yet I kept interviewing him as we were dating for almost 3 weeks, he got upset and stopped seeing me. Then he wanted to date me again without interviews and has shown less drive but "likes" me and likes sexual stuff with me. What should I do, is he using me? Can I regain his initial "lust" for me in thinking I could be the "one" for him again. We keep daily contact light and I no longer take verbal notes, meaning I stopped letting him know what I'm thinking. I rarely initiate communication with him but stay positive in all conversations and am trying to be more myself because I don't want to fall in love by myself...ever.

[Susan Kuchinskas]

This falls probably outside my knowledge of neurochemistry, but I will give you a more sociological answer, based on nothing more than my own experience -- and based on the info in your post.

I think by interviewing, you mean that you asked him questions like, do you ever want to get married, how long did your last relationship last, etc. If that's correct, it's possible that you were too heavy-handed, or it felt like, too much, too soon. But it's also possible that he was way into you as a romantic and sexual conquest, but felt uncomfortable being interviewed for a job as boyfriend/mate.

Not sure what you mean by him showing less drive; do you mean he just doesn't seem that into you? Well, girlfriend, you've heard that before and the advice that goes with it.

He likes you and likes sexual stuff with you. If you mean actual sex or at least genital play, he might be "using" you -- although he may think that you two have negotiated these terms for the relationship: you're fcuk buddies. He agreed to date you if you would stop interviewing him for the mate position.

Can you regain his initial lust, meaning, I believe, not just sexual lust, but romantic desire. Did he ever say you might be the one? If so, the answer is maybe. But it would be tricky and, I think, difficult to do consciously.

Staying positive and being yourself is a great start. If he does fall in love, you want him to fall in love with the real you.

Looking at the neurochemical elements of romance, they are also the neurochemicals of excitement, danger, and protection. So, doing physically exciting things together (besides sex) seems like a great way to get some true passion going. If you guys happened to be kidnapped or survived a plane crash together, that would be excellent. Otherwise, exciting movies with chase scenes, thrill rides, punk concerts might be good choices.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that you find love with the right person!

[Chloe]

This article is from this month's Cosmo....not exactly "neuropsychology" if you ask me...

[Susan Kuchinskas]

ah, thanks for that. well, it shows how neuroscience is penetrating everyday life. And I wish I'd written it for Cosmo!