Men, Stay Out of the Labor Room

Should men -- that logical, charge-taking, squeamish half of the human race -- be present when their mates give birth to their children?

This opinion piece flies in the face of modern thinking and all the work women and men have done in the past 50 years to move toward equality not only in the workplace, but at home. If it were written by anyone else, I'd sniff at it and leave it.

But "A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child" was written by Michel Odent, who was one of the first people to begin speaking out against the way medical birthing practices can break the bond between mother and baby -- and therefore someone I respect immensely.

Odent makes some very good points about how the presence of the father-to-be can keep a woman from going into that oxytocin-driven state where her body "knows" how to give birth.

First, a labouring woman needs to be protected against any stimulation of the thinking part of her brain - the neocortex - for labour to proceed with any degree of ease.

This part of the brain needs to take a back seat and allow the primal "unthinking" part of the brain connected to basic vital functions to take over.

A woman in labour needs to be in a private world where she doesn't have to think or talk.

Yet, motivated by a desire to "share the experience", the man asks questions and offers words of reassurance and advice.

In doing so, he denies his partner the quiet mind that she needs.

The second reason is that the father's release of the stress hormone adrenaline as he watches his partner labour causes her anxiety, and prevents her from relaxing.
This needs to be said. I can certainly see how feeling she needs to share the experience with her partner could distract a woman.

But Odent ignores another option: What about teaching the father ways to behave that don't activate the laboring woman's neocortex? A man can share the experience just by being there, as well as by offering loving touch in the form of massage, caresses and even sexual stimulation, which can help bring on labor.

Odent seems to feel that men are incapable of this, as well as often too put off by the messiness and blood. I'd like to think that the majority of men, if it were explained to them, would be willing and able to enter with their women into that primal, sensual state that can make birth an oceanic experience.

Should we deny them that opportunity?

Comments

[evil cake lady]

As a doula who has supported many couples during labor and birth, I have seen wonderful and amazing connections between the father and mother. I certainly agree that men can (and should!) be shown and encouraged to support a laboring woman's descent into laborland. I also think that having a masculine presence in the birth space is important--someone to protect and watch over the birth space can help the mother feel safe enough to let go and fall away. Men need to be taught the etiquette of labor, and if an expectant father doesn't have any "seasoned" fathers in his life that could do it then it usually falls to the doula, if they hired one. Often a doula's job is to keep the fathers calm (answer their questions out in the hall) and show them how to be effective support. It can take a few hours with some dads before they really get it--and often it comes from them watching the doula support the mom. Then the fathers get right in it and the doula can take a step back.

All of Dr Odent's concerns are true, and valid, and I almost agree, that if the father can't understand, respect, or suppport her need to slip away, he shouldn't be there. And to be fair, I have seen that type of poor support come from sisters, mothers and even nurses.

I will also say that if a laboring mother feels that her partner was a great support during the birth, her trust in partner's ability to co-parent tends to be greater. So I would rather see expectant fathers learn how to be a good support rather than kick them out of the birth room altogether.

[Elle Feldman]

Great entry Susan!

[phd in yogurtry]

My opinion falls into the "depends" mode. Some men are boorish in everyday life, why would we expect them to suddenly grow empathic and other-centered in the delivery room? I've heard my share of stories of (friends) father's turning on "the game" in the birthing room to the great dismay of the laboring mother .. bringing a juicy burger into the room when the mother isn't allowed food. etc.

Still, virtually all women want their significant other in the room. They find his presence a comfort. I have trouble imagining women taking up a doc's well intentioned advice to leave him outside. In fact, the women whose mate is the most boorish is probably going to be the hardest to convince.

So regardless of what we think, men are in the birth room to stay, unless a particular birthing woman feels differently, of her own accord.

[Susan Kuchinskas]

I'd agree that today in the US, the norm is to have the partner in the birthing room. I also agree that women can do as much to undermine the labor process as men. Maybe we need male doulas, too. The woman's doula needs to focus on what's best for the woman, and it's possible that some men might find it easier to get direction from another man -- ahead of time! I'm not advocating adding still another person to the birthing room.