Friends Save Marriages

Jenny Wolford of the Daily News in Niles, Michigan, points out that women who make time to chill with friends come back to their marriages recharged with oxytocin.

Will Getting a Girlfriend Save Your Marriage?

Nice, provocative title, Jenny! But she doesn't mean women should have sex wit their friends, just enjoy the relief and pleasure of bonding with them.  She writers,

Guys, let me spell it out for you: Oxytocin makes a woman feel more loving, and the more oxytocin she's got coursing through her system, the more she'll have to share with you.

Any man who has ever observed a group of women out to dinner by themselves or experienced the aftereffect of his wife's girls getaway weekend knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I'd add that men should also make time to hang out with other men, to enjoy their essential guyness. It's likely that men also experience an oxytocin rush during "male bonding," even if they don't get all touchie-feelie about it.

Comments

[midyear Dave]

Both men and women need activities with the same sex for a variety of reasons. One is that the marriage relationship should not have to bear the entire weight of supporting and nurturing; same sex friends provide more avenues of support. Interesting that the author did not also discuss ways to spur oxytocin release with her husband.

[Susan Kuchinskas]

I agree with you about the importance of making sure a marriage doesn't have to totally support people emotionally.

I think most people -- or women, at least -- assume they'll have the oxytocin bond with their mates, so maybe that's why she didn't mention it.

It's also important to note that the marriage relationship shouldn't be divided into sex and bonding; sex ideally is the primary way a couple bonds.

[midyeardave]

Susan - your comment, "sex ideally is the primary way a couple bonds" - I agree with the term, "ideally". But I also wonder how many women would agree, in general, that sex is the primary bonding element of a relationship. Over the years I have heard the importance of communicating, sharing non-sexual intimacy, supporting each other, etc., etc., but have rarely heard women openly say that sex is what bonds them to men. How about the more experienced couples (I don't want to say "older") - would most women who have been married 10, 20 years or more agree that sex is still the bonding element ? I believe it is, but do they ?

[Susan Kuchinskas]

Thanks for a very thought-provoking comment!

I think our society, which is both sex-negative and sexually obsessed, causes problems between couples and may keep sex from being the bonding element it evolved to be. I wrote more in this post: http://www.hugthemonkey.com/2008/03/sex-orgasm-bond.html