Validation for "Tend and Befriend"

In 2000, Shelly Taylor, a social psychologist at UCLA proposed an alternative model to the well-known fight-or-flight response.

Based on an analysis of a wide range of research by others, Taylor hypothesized that women faced with threat might have evolved a different response, something she called "tend and befriend." The idea is that females in ancient times had to protect the children while the men fought off the danger. So, they gathered together in groups to defend the youngsters.

This tendency would likely be influenced by oxytocin, the neurochemical that, among other things, drives us to connect with others. Sue Carter of the University of Illinois,  has done work with prairie voles showing that when they're isolated and stressed, their oxytocin levels rise. She thinks this causes them to seek out others -- in human terms, you could say, for support.

Many have pooh-poohed Taylor's ideas, possibly because she's a psychologist, not a neuroscientist, possibly because she's a woman.

But now, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania have done a brain imaging study that supports her hypothesis.

In the study led by J.J. Wang, men  and women were stressed by being asked to do arithmetic in front of a panel of strangers who constantly asked them to go faster or start over if they made a mistake. According to Science Daily:

The researchers measured heart rate, cortisol levels (a stress hormone), subjects' perceived stress levels throughout the experiments, and regional cerebral blood flow (CBF), which provides a marker of regional brain function. In men, it was found that stress was associated with increased CBF in the right prefrontal cortex and CBF reduction in the left orbitofrontal cortex. In women, the limbic system -- a part of the brain primarily involved in emotion -- was activated when they were under stress.

In other words, under stress, the men got busy thinking harder, while the women  increased their emotional activity. The hypothalamus, producer of oxytocin, is part of the limbic system. It's possible that these women's brains secreted extra oxytocin, which may have calmed them.

Taylor, S.E., Klein, L.C., Lewis, B.P., Gruenewald, T.L., Gurung, R.A.R., & Updegraff, J.A. (2000).  Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: Tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight.  Psychological Review,107, 411-429.

Comments

[Paul Sunstone]

Susan, do you think it's possible that the tend and befriend reflex might influence a woman's decision to stay in an abusive relationship rather than flee from it?

[Field Notes]

That's a good Q, I'd be interested in hearing what you have to say about it too.

I'd say that if an abuser displays tender and loving behavior, as they are known to do to make up for physically and verbally abusing a mate, then the recipient would be more inclined to stay.

[Susan Kuchinskas]

I agree, FN. I think that's the typical MO of abusers; half the time they're really loving, so the other person keeps hanging in there, waiting for the loving persona to show up again. "I know he/she really loves me, he/she just can't show it all the time."

I don't know if it's tend/befriend or simply the strength of the oxytocin bond. The good loving times create the bond, and we're inclined to stay bonded, which was important pre-civilization, so we'd stay and protect the offspring instead of splitting when the tigers came around.

I think there might be something going on with the reward system in such cases, too. I think we're evolutionarily programmed to keep going after a reward that seems within reach, such as fruit on a tree or that loving relationship.

[Paul Sunstone]

Hi Susan and Field Notes! Sorry I didn't get back to this earlier. It's been a hectic two weeks.

At any rate, I can only talk about my own experiences here, so I'm not sure how valid those might be. But it seems to me I've noticed a greater tendency among women than among men to stay in abusive relationships. Of course, even if that were generally true, there could be all sorts of explanations for it other than (or in addition to) a tend and befriend reflex. Susan mentions one intriguing possibility -- the oxytocin bond.

I'd be willing to spend tax dollars to study the subject. That's because I suspect we have an epidemic of abuse going on.

[Susan Kuchinskas]

I, too, think there's an epidemic of abuse -- as well as all other kinds of interpersonal violence and, more subtly and perniciously, a global failure of attachment. That is, the ability to bond and connect in trust and love that is supposed to counteract our aggressive impulses.