Skin Hunger

I love this phrase, coined by Australian sex expert Rosie King. nzoom.com quotes her as saying,

That skin hunger is with us from the cradle to the grave.  People think they want a fuck. What they really want is a warm body next to them in bed - they don't know how to get that without engaging in sexual activity."

When we don't know how to love, we can find ourselves settling for what King calls fraudulent forms of intimacy: drugs and alcohol to break down the walls with another person, food to fill us up inside, sex with someone we might not trust to take care of the dog.

Comments

[Waqqas]

I wonder how many people have independently discovered this. I've realised something similar from my own life experiences, but I've also found that the fastest way to be close friends with someone is a sexual relationship. I guess that reinforces your point.

[Susan Kuchinskas]

I think a lot of people learn what King is writing about -- that we need loving touch outside of and with sex -- in their parents' arms as babies and toddlers.

People like me, who for a variety of reasons don't experience safe, kind and loving touch within our families, tend to go crazy for sex as soon as we can. Is that what you mean by independently discovering this?

That's interesting that you experience sex as the fastest way to be close friends with someone. I agree that sex creates an immediate bond, and that is due to the oxytocin that's released during sex and at orgasm.

I don't know whether you're a woman or a man; many women experience that bonding effect of sex as more than "just friends," which can create problems between them if a male partner sees the bond as friendship.

On the other hand, I think men might appreciate a woman who feels she's a good friend after sex, without expecting a girlfriend/lover type relationship.